“You never listen to me! You never do what I ask. Well, you’re always nagging me! Carter had come home from school to his parents yelling at each other again and, even an hour later, it was still going on. Can you guys please stop arguing? Carter said. I can’t even concentrate on my homework. How is doing your homework going to help you? his dad said, eyes burning. You won’t get anywhere in life. You’re a failure in school, and you won’t become anything later in your life! John! his mom shrieked. How could you say that? Carter stared at his dad as tears stung his eyes. He turned and went up to his room. He sat down and tried to study some more, but he couldn’t stop hearing his dad’s harsh words. This wasn’t the first time Carter’s dad had said such horrible things to him. He kept wondering whether he really would get anywhere in his life. He wondered why his dad didn’t love him. He prayed, God, if my dad won’t love me, will You? Show me how to love my dad. Please let them stop arguing. The next morning, he called Pastor Jeff and asked if they could talk. When Carter explained what was going on, Pastor Jeff let out a deep sigh. Oh, Carter, he said. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Your dad is verbally abusing you, and that is not okay. Do you need a place to stay? *** It had been months since Carter had moved out, but the memory still hurt. God wants me to love and forgive my dad. How can I when he hurt me with his words? Carter asked Pastor Jeff. Forgiveness is hard, Carter, especially in cases of abuse. But, as Jesus was agonizing on the cross, He cried out that God forgive the people who crucified Him. And Jesus lives in you through the Holy Spirit, and He has empowered you to forgive others. As your relationship with God grows, and as you understand more and more how much God loves you, you may find it becomes easier to forgive your dad. And remember, forgiving your dad doesn’t mean you have to be in a close relationship with him, said Pastor Jeff. That night Carter prayed that God would soften his heart toward his dad. Jesus, I don’t want to carry this burden around. Help me to forgive my dad like you’ve forgiven him. Alexis Wohler If you or someone you know is suffering from abuse and if the situation is potentially life-threatening, call 911 (or the emergency number for your area) or go to the local hospital emergency room right away. If you need someone to talk to but are not in need of immediate help, you can set up an appointment for a one-time complimentary phone consultation with a Christian counselor through the Focus on the Family Counseling Service. In the United States, call 1-855-771-HELP (4357) weekdays 6:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. (Mountain Time) to set up an appointment. In Canada, book your appointment by calling 1-800-661-9800 between 8:00 a.m. and 4:00 p.m. (Pacific Time) and ask to speak with the care associate. Have you ever been hurt by your parent’s words? How did it feel? How did you react? All parents sometimes speak hurtful words in the heat of a bad moment, and the right response for Christian parents is to repent and seek help. There is hope and forgiveness in Jesus and as our relationship with God grows, the Holy Spirit transforms us to become more and more like Jesus (Galatians 5:22-23). When Christian parents make bad choices, sometimes they need to be guided and corrected by other Christians. On the other hand, people who haven’t put their trust in Jesus don’t have the Holy Spirit inside them (as their helper, counselor, and comforter), and they may not listen to godly guidancebut they should still seek help to prevent further abuse. Who is someone you trust who you can talk to about these things? Forgiveness takes time, and it’s an important part of the healing process. Why do you think Jesus wants us to forgive people who have hurt useven those who have hurt us deeply? God is our rescuer and healer. He sees our pain and has compassion on us. Someday, Jesus will return to defeat death, sin, and hurt forever. How might knowing this bring you comfort? Jesus said, Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing. Luke 23:34a (NLT)
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