Tears in the Night

READ: JOSHUA 23:3; PSALM 61:2-4; ISAIAH 54:17

I clutched the blankets over my face to muffle my sobs. I didn’t want my family to hear me crying. We had a good day together, and right now everyone was healthy in our family. But when the lights were out and I lay in bed, my heart was aching, burdened. So I let the tears flow until my body trembled with each breath.

Flashes of the past few years played in my mind. Scenes of hospital rooms, moments of utter fear, and the long road we had traveled in the recovery, only for the whole process to repeat itself all over again. In the course of the last four years, my dad had battled Covid, pneumonia, blood clots, cancer, four strokes, and more. The revolving door of “He’s getting better” and “We might lose him” had taken a toll. I thought I’d already broken and wept over these things. Yet here in the darkness, after a good day when all was well, I lay here, my heart crumbling all over again.

The devil wanted to use the pain in my past to make me anxious and fearful. But the more I thought about it, I realized those painful moments were not memories of defeat. In each terrifying time throughout my dad’s long health battle, God had carried us through. He had performed miracles. He had brought healing and answers. He had never left us. He had been our Rock, our Comfort, our Strength.

In that moment, the tightness in my heart loosened, and a feeling of peace came over me—my crippling anxiety lost its grip. The very memories that the devil wanted to use as a weapon against me were now reminders of God’s faithfulness. I don’t have to live in this fear. I have a refuge in the Living God who will never leave me, never forsake me. • Madison Mae

• As humans, we often struggle with fears about the future, especially when we remember painful experiences we’ve had in the past. How can remembering God’s faithfulness help us feel less afraid?

• Can you think of a time you experienced God’s love and help in your life? Consider taking a moment to thank Him for this!

• Jesus is Immanuel, which means “God with us” (Matthew 1:23), and He has promised never to leave us. He died and rose again so that He could always be with us! And while He lived among us on earth, He experienced all the brokenness of human life, so He can truly empathize with whatever we’re going through. When thoughts of the past feel overwhelming, we can ask Jesus to help us see how He has faithfully been with us through the hard things we’ve experienced. Consider taking some time to talk to Jesus about any fears or painful memories that come to mind, and imagine Him sitting beside you and weeping over the things that have hurt you.

• Sometimes we need help bringing our fears and painful memories to God, and this is perfectly normal. Who are trusted Christians in your life you could share your thoughts and feelings with—people who will listen with compassion, pray with you, and show you God’s love?

• Sometimes our bodies learn patterns of fear and anxiety, especially when we go through seasons of grief and turmoil. It can be a long process for our bodies to relearn healthy patterns of rest, but Jesus is ever gentle and patient with us. He stays with us on the journey and never lets us go, even in moments when anxiety seems overwhelming. And He wants to help us feel better in lots of ways, not just through prayer and Scripture, but also through the care and expertise of other people. When you’re struggling, who is a trusted adult you could talk to?

• If you need someone to talk to, you can request a free conversation with Focus on the Family’s Counseling Department by calling 1-855-771-HELP (4357) weekdays from 6:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. (Mountain Time). Please be prepared to leave your contact information for a counselor to return a call to you as soon as possible. In Canada, book your appointment by calling 1-800-661-9800 between 8:00 a.m. and 4:00 p.m. (Pacific Time). 

God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5 (NIV)