Tired of Faking It: Shenice's Song

READ: PSALM 145:14-19; HEBREWS 4:14-16

Today’s poem is written in the style of a rap.

I’m here every night; too tired to fight.
Just trying to make it, not fake it.
It’s hard…to be a PK,
knowing you want me to say,
“It’s okay. I still believe.”
Though in my heart I still grieve.

But I see a world that’s gone bad.
And it started when Dad
Headed out of the door,
said he wanted no more.

Preacher dad who told me of God—
what a facade.
Now our family’s a mess,
and each day’s got stress.

I pray, but don’t know what to say.
Can I be real? There’s nothing I feel
except empty inside.
See, last time I cried
and said, “God, take it away—
this pain, lift it I pray”—

God, You left it there.
And continued to tear
my family apart. So, don’t start
with me, people in pews,
giving your views
of what I should do.

My best friend Kat—she’s got my back
She has what I lack:
Faith—faith to still pray,
And wants me to be the same way.

Though I wish God really cared
And wasn’t just there, up in the air. • Linda Washington

• Have you ever felt like Shenice? You might be a PK (pastor’s kid) whose dad walked out, or your pain might be totally different. Who, if anyone, did you talk to about what you went through?

• How would you want to respond if Shenice was your friend?

• What do you believe is true about the God who Shenice labels “just there up in the air”? Why?

• When Jesus, the God of the Universe, came and lived among us, He experienced our suffering firsthand. He went all the way to the cross for us—to the grave and back—because He loves us, and He never wants to be apart from us. Jesus is never too far away to hear you when you call. There is nothing you can say or do to Him that will make Him stop loving you or hearing you when you pray. Consider taking some time to talk to Him about whatever hurts you’ve been carrying (Matthew 11:28-30). You don’t need to filter your thoughts before you say them to Jesus.

• When we go through hard times, it’s normal to wonder if God has stopped caring about us. The pain of betrayal is especially deep. Healing from that kind of hurt can be a long, slow process. But God is faithful to bind up the wounds of the brokenhearted, and even to bring us joy again (Psalms 30:5; 147:3). God does His patient work of healing through His Word, through His Spirit, and also through His people. He calls us to pray for one another, to speak the truth—but never without love—and to weep with those who weep (Romans 12:15; Ephesians 4:15-16; 6:18). Who is a trusted Christian in your life you can talk freely with when you’re hurting? (If no one comes to mind, you can ask God to help you identify someone in the future.)

The LORD is close to all who call on him, yes, to all who call on him in truth. Psalm 145:18 (NLT)